Are Kenyans gullible on GES Summit goodies?

GES-2015

By Grace Atuhaire and Kenneth Jura

So Obama has been in town not for an official visit to the Republic of Kenya but to officiate the Global Entrepreneurship Summit and all the media’s attention was on the expectations of his step grandmother to her grandson’s visit to the country and Kenyans on Twitter taking on CNN about the dictionary words with #SomeonetellCNN but where are the Kenyan young entrepreneurs?

The Government of Kenya hosted a Pre-Global Entrepreneurship summit at KICC grounds showcasing different Micro enterprises. We saw His Excellency Uhuru Kenyatta taking walks from one stall to the other smiling at the cameras and smiling with some of the young people showcasing their work and wondered who is really benefiting from this Global Entrepreneurs Summit?

We know we have been told to be optimistic about everything and love Kenya for the future by embracing futuristic ideologies and yet many are destined to be disappointed. Pretend to think with me for a second, how is this Global Entrepreneurship Summit going to benefit Micro enterprises?  Tenders: Yes this summit and pre-event of course comes with logistics and young people could have benefited from this item but we all know how corrupt and tribal this process can be.

Kidero, the governor of Nairobi,  too couldn’t manage to grow grass in a few weeks and we even saw some flower pots lined up along Kenyatta Avenue all the way to State House Avenue so someone benefited and if it’s you congratulations if not, too bad and let’s  move on we are always reminded .

With Obama in town, it has been great seeing renowned investors too, the likes of Richard Branson, founder of Virgin group, Econet founder Strive Masiyiwa and the list can go on and on but who did they meet?

We are so engrossed in a psycho fancy of what this could be for Kenya but we forget that it’s our own country’s policies that make the Micro enterprises die a natural death or succeed so why do we expect some foreigners to be our miracle when every day we can’t even clean our own behind? (Excuse the excitement) They will definitely meet the big manufacturers because they need to make more profits but not the people that we are all branding to support.

Kenya’s population is growing by about 1 million persons each year, and the high population growth rate of the past results in today’s youth bulge according to (UNDP).

Young people (aged between 18 and 35 years old) constitute more than half of the entire population. This represents great economic and social opportunities, but also enormous challenges

The challenges of today’s youth are still related to: Employment, Participation & Engagement, Health, Education and Training, Crime and Drugs, Housing, Environment, Information and communication, Special needs, access to financial resources and with many step forward, a lucky few are selected at random and make their way inside, then the doors of the building close and they stay wondering when their turn will be – hopes dashed yet again

Kenya’s government needs to create more than 3.9 million jobs for young people by 2020 according to study by SAP SE, a global non-profit organization. So is the Global Entrepreneurship summit (hope to hear a lot of success stories) a small drop in the ocean or does it represent the many drops to come?

What lies at the heart of the upscale of Micro enterprises in a sustainable entrepreneur ecosystem is the government’s policies and the rest patch it up.

The Kenyan government has tried with introduction of Youth Enterprise Fund but its tangible yield remains far from the ideal. The access to this fund is full of bottle necks that many opt out of any government support. A group of a minimum 10 members of the youth has to be formed and if you are lucky enough end up getting a paltry 100,000.

Less than two years ago the government came up with policies of helping the youth access government tenders commonly known as Youth Access to Government Procurement Opportunities  (YAGPO). This a great idea and many have fulfilled all the requirements however, corruption and nepotism has negated all the good intentions the government had in aiding the youth. In fact the only thing that has come from the government is a certificate indicating that we qualify as youth entrepreneur or is it tenderpreneur?

There is a constant mismatch between policy pronouncement and resource-financial allocations, financial and human capital as brought about by poor implementation of these policies. Has the GES Summit highlighted this practical challenges affecting youth entrenchment in businesses? Has the government found inspiration from President Obama’s speeches and decide to rethink how to ensure youth and women are incorporated in all sectors and provided for opportunities to shine as they merit?

Kenyans have been and still are very enthusiastic after hearing Obama’s speeches but are they gullible to imagine he delivered the magic bullet to end their misery? Only time is the teller.

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Why women repeat things & “Why guys STOP TALKING to girls out of nowhere”

Frank (not someone’s name) enough!

Real News

image

It was my first one night stand. My first “white girl”. My first night in Vegas. Yet, as I slid off her panties, all I could think about was my girl back home.

By: Ebrahim AseemFollow @fuel4thebody
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”

The most annoying thing to a man is a woman who repeats herself. It makes you want to hang up on her difficult ass, storm out, or call up one of your side chicks who doesn’t nag.

Side chicks get more attention than wives & girlfriends, because they know their role & play it well. No back talk. No arguments. No repeating herself. Just lust & affection as she strokes your fragile male ego long & hard, when your main girl isn’t acting right. This is what mentally immature guys tell each other when women aren’t around, to cover up each others…

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How to carjack

By Kenneth Jura | Kenya

George locked his metal cabinet, switched off his office lights walked past the secretary’s office where he easily loosened his tie. Inside the office a clock on the wall made sure its tick tock sound was heard, it was some minutes past 10pm.He made his way past the small corridor leading to the elevators lobby. As he waited, Mutua their security guard bid him goodbye

“Boss leo naona umechoka sana”

“Ni hali ya kazi, lazima tukazane” – George said as he entered the elevator and pressed G.

He walked out of the elevator took a left turn and out of the building. He continued walking past National Bank Harambee Avenue, crossed Moi Avenue to the walking human of Nairobi.On one lane past Nakumatta a matatu conductor shouted at passengers who know where they are going (we always never know where we re going to, according to the touts), on his left some vendors placed their wares on the pavement.

A lady selling tomatoes and onions on the streets swiftly wrapped her wares in a sack then rushed towards a lane joining Moi Avenue and Tom Mboya and immediately George followed them oblivious of what was happening. After crossing Tom Mboya he realized that city council askaris were in hot pursuit of hawkers and not him which halted his running.

On Mfangano Street music from jewellery and mobile phones shops kept playing as others had their doors ajar, other closed. A considerable queue was evident on Utimo matatus but George was not ready to wait and easily walked down to Citi Hoppa which was half empty and charged less by twenty shillings to Umoja, he did not like umoinner matatus due to their arrogant touts.

He sunk on a seat next to the window avoiding the three-seater-seats that were on his far right. A lady in her mid-twenties sat next to him shook her head throwing her braids on George’s shoulders disrupting him from the tiresome dreams he had carried from work. She had red oak lipstick on her thin lips, well-manicured nails not too long to injure and not too short she wore a dress that moderately left her leg exposed.

Behind him sat a young man who drunk soda.

Dorobucci’s tune alerted George that his phone was ringing.

The fine lady

“Hallo Jaber, how are you? I am in a matatu. I will be there in 10 mins” George quickly quipped then immediately pressed the red button on his phone.

The matatu was almost full; it slowly moved past Afya center as the conductor shouted at the passersby to board,

“Thate Umoja”

“Thate Umoja”

“Thate Umoja”

Citi hoppa bus Photo Courtesy of nairobi.go.ke
Citi hoppa bus. Photo Courtesy of nairobi.go.ke

A piercing voice

Two more young men entered the vehicle at the T-junction on Tom Mboya and Haile Selassie, there was no traffic so the bus went faster to the round-about and subsequently to Landhies.

George greeted the lady seated next to him in an attempt to start a conversation which was met with a grin looking face. Nairobi has some of the meanest looking ladies which is ironical that when a pastor from Nigeria jets into the country they flock his meeting, in apparent intervention to God to “show” them a husband. She took of her tablet looked at him placing a value of what he wore then plugged in her earphones and closed her eyes. His smile faded gradually.

Their bus had passed Muthurwa market driven way faster on Landhies and onto Jogoo road then slowly at City stadium round about.

He gazed from the glass window to avoid looking  her. Some seconds thereafter there was commotion on the driver’s seat, other young men stood up kicking and hitting passengers while unplugging bulbs from the bus. A young man in early twenties hit George’s head with a soda bottle sinking his head in his shoulders.

“Leo mtajua sisi ni nani” the young man who was seated behind George shouted while snatching her tablet.

“Mzee leta hiyo simu”, George obliged and put his phone in a green paper bag that the young man used to collect valuables from passengers.

It was evident they had been carjacked; the driver was pinned down on the aisle, next to him was his conductor.

At the back seat a gentleman argued with the thieves that he had Sh 30, 000/= which was rent for that month and two previous ones. He was hit with a metal bar on his left arm shattering his radius. He wailed uncontrollably. The pain was in excruciating.

Ceska pistol

George raised his head to see another thief hitting a pregnant woman’s knees, his eyes almost popped out and immediately protested why the lady was being hit yet they had complied.

he had blundered, he was pulled from his seat together with the lady he was seated next to landing on the lady’s belly. Angered by his protests one of the gang member stood on the aisle pointing a ceska pistol at George’s head raised it then pulled the trigger hitting the matatu’s roof.

“Msidhani hii ni imbo, hii ndeng’a origi “.

The driver took a left turn at Nile road avoiding Jogoo road because there was a police road block at Hamza. They went into Jericho all this while tearing into men’s shirts, hit ladies’ knees, and shouted profanities while taunting all the passengers.

“Serikali gani iko hapa” an alto voice was heard from the back of the bus.

All passengers’ heads were buried in their palms, praying that they would be forgiven after all they had been robbed . After 20 minutes of thorough beating and countless slaps George finally gathered courage to wake up from the lady’s belly. She had passed out.

“Wameenda” the “legitimate” driver told passengers.

He drove the vehicle to Buruburu police station where they recorded their details in the occurrence book popularly known as OB. The bus driver was hard pressed to explain where his conductor had melted to which brought about commotion with passengers’ baying for his blood. The matatu later dropped passengers home with a cop as the driver.

Future of Kenyan Films

By Kenneth Jura | Kenya

Alliance  Française ’s auditorium played host to the third session of the CinemAlliance screenings on the theme The Future of Kenyan Films which focused on student films that was held on the 13th April 2015. The first film ‘Morning Glory’ by Patrick Kioko focused on a couple and twists surrounding their relationship made the film remarkable. Afterwards, silent film “Shoes” which was more of a girl meet boy story with a mix of unique colour grading style. The film’s director Caroline Kitili described the film as their first experimental film to be shot while in school. As the evening wore on, other film enthusiasts thronged the auditorium with the third screening being a documentary made by students from MultiMedia University dubbed Haller Park which was edited by Elvis Muchara.

‘Haller Park’s’ narration bordered David Attenborough’s style, deep and heavy voice that keeps you glued through the entire documentary. David Attenborough is best known for writing and presenting the nine ‘Life series’, in conjunction with the BBC Natural History Unit, which collectively made a comprehensive survey of animal and plant life on the planet. Haller Park on the other hand is a nature park South of Mombasa on the Malindi-Mombasa highway. The park was an initiative of Bamburi cement converting barren landscape of disused limestone quarries into vibrant and diverse ecosystem of forest, grasslands and ponds. The pans and tilts in the documentary was amazingly done, you have to watch it to believe.

‘Sticking Ribbons’ explores the life of a former addict Kimberly (Maureen Koech) who struggles with drug addiction. The short film by Kevin Njue won the East African Talent award 2014 at the Zanzibar International Film Festival. Months after a fateful accident, Ian finally decided to confront his ghost girlfriend Becky who he knew had died. That is ‘Free Spirit’ synopsis which was screened.

LightBox’s film ‘Ahavah’ which means love in Hebrew wowed the crowd as the last film of the evening ushering in panelists who dissected the evening’s screening in various angles. The panelists were Wanjiru Kinyanjui a filmmaker and film lecturer at Multi Media University, Dr. Fred Mbogo from Moi University, Patrick Kioko and Caroline Kitili whose films were among those screened.

“The future of these young filmmakers is very bright” was the response Dr. Mbogo gave in line with the theme of the evening, whereas Ms. Kinyanjui encouraged the students to be unique “You are unique! Get your unique voice going and expose your work”. Mr. Bernard Owuor a film lecturer faulted the education curriculum for the many units being taught in universities giving examples of editing which was being regarded as a unit, colour correcting and music mixing and other film elements as independent units which impedes a student from specialising in one area. Consequently, the audience’s inquisitiveness in knowing silent films was evident as witnessed in the films ‘Ahavah’ and ‘Shoes’.

The theme for next month theme will be on ‘Development films’ featuring Africa Slum Journal.

Closing the book

chanyado

You get married and you think this is the man you will spend the rest of your life with.

Then life happens.

You separate, and for the next three years you don’t see him. You don’t hear his voice. The soft lilt in his Rs. You don’t see him ruffled up in the morning before he puts on his armour to face the world. You don’t smell him in the corridor before you leave the house. You don’t see his name pop up on your phone. You don’t know what song he belts out as he drives with the window down and Bluetooth earpiece on. You don’t know what person he thinks is a complete muppet. You don’t hear the word muppet anymore. You never have to put the toilet seat down.

You begin to wonder if you dreamed the whole thing up.

The waves now wash over you once every…

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The murky waters of film production, RIRIKANA

By Kenneth Jura

It was a chilly Sunday morning ready to head out to shoot a short film. We converged at Kencom waiting for the location scout to lead the cast and crew to the shooting location. This is not the Archer’s Post kind of shoot where you are far from the target like in the military but rather very close to the subject but without a firearm. You are only armed with a camera, everything else is harmless and end up creating a masterpiece shots.

Some minutes past 6 a.m. cast and crew had made their presence known, every soul armed and ready to go and shoot in Ruai. I had never been to the place; excitement was being suppressed by the chilly morning. Loud church public address system welcomed us to the location throwing the sound team made up of Brian Munene and Mwikali Mutune into fits of rage. They questioned the rationale for choosing this particular location for the film and why of all days, a Sunday. The location scout explained his choice by pulling them aside in a bid to explain and after their chit chat smiles indicated agreement.

The van dropped off the crew and went back to collect the cast. I should point out that the latter were waiting for another van, which simply went AWOL on us. We had everything all prepared; two vans and two drivers but alas they all did not show up. Yes, that is how unpredictable some shoots can be.

After the cast’s arrival some minutes past 8am the director called the team for a short brief of what he anticipated. By this time, the makeup artist had already made the cast look awesome and ready for the shoot. The cast members included Shirleen Kemunto as Tumiso, Anita Njeri as Noni, Mukami as Cucu among others who had previously rehearsed and memorized their lines.
“Camera 1 ready?”
“Camera 2?”
“Sound?”
“Lights?”

ACTION!! The director shouted while issuing thumbs up gesture signifying commencement of the shoot.

Silence on set
Silence on set

The shoot went on well till midnight with lunch break at around 2pm. In between the shoot the cast waited in turns for their roles, at one point Tumiso was too fatigued to continue acting. It was her first time.

The real drama started when the film director made the last call “CUT”, the clock’s hands shy of 1am, yet the following day we were to be back on the same location by 6 am. We boarded the van ready to head home after an exciting though exhaustive shoot. We snaked our way past the dusty all weather Ruai road to Kangundo road where we drove faster and finally into Caltex petrol station to refuel.
After refueling to join Outer Ring Road the van could not come to a halt because its brakes had failed. Pandemonium ensued with petrol station attendants and passers-by shouting “Moto Moto” while running towards our vehicle. Most of the cast and crew thought a grenade had been hurled into the vehicle and hence the shouting. This was happening at a time when the country faced numerous grenade attacks by terrorists.
I was fast asleep at the back of the vehicle only to be brought to my senses by a Good Samaritan who was banging at the rear window in an attempt to notify me of the impending danger. The other crew members were safely out of the van.

The rear left wheel was in flames!

Several buckets swallowed sand and water and vomited them on the burning wheel to muzzle the flames. After several trembles, teeth gnashing and grief stricken faces, the producer Bramwel called in several taxis to ferry the crew home. However, before we left, the question on everyone’s mind was whether the call time was still 6am?
“Ladies and gentlemen the call time still remains the same, 6am despite what has happened” the producer told the crew who had gathered around him.

They could not hide their joy
They could not hide their joy

Moving on, the following day by 7:30 am both the cast and crew were on set but unfortunately there was power rationing in the area; we therefore had to get a generator for the shoot to proceed. We had previously contracted a company to bring generator on location, nevertheless, after several calls they responded that it was too early for them. They could only come after an hour, they eventually came and the shoot went on uneventful.
When the film director Soko, called the shoot to a close it was some minutes past 10pm. Exhaustion had crept in long ago and agile bones had become too weary. After the cast had left for home, the crew ran into police who wanted to know more information because the van had able bodied men with all sorts of production equipment unknown to the police. They were six armed policemen, G3 rifles hanging on their shoulders giving them courage like a stethoscope on a doctor’s neck. They asked Bramwel what they were doing at such an hour with all that equipment.

“Mnataka kulipua wapi, bomb iko wapi?”

Just before he responded, he was mercilessly whipped leaving an indelible mark for supposedly taking too long to respond to their queries.
Each time we remember the challenges we encountered while shooting “Ririkana” we lift our glasses in honor of Bramwel, who indeed took one for the team, quite literally.

Watch Ririkana trailer here 🙂

Dear Mr. President,

By Kenneth Jura | Kenya

I am not sure whether you will read my article after all it will appear on a meat wrapper or on a platform that your government acknowledges, a blog, however it will not halt my quest to commend you for the good work you have done since you were elected in 2013. We are almost into the third year of your able leadership. When you recently travelled to The Hague you left us with your ever industrious and multi faceted deputy president who towed the line in making sure the country was efficiently run, he is quite fast as he rode in your official limousine. I commend you bwana deputy president or was it acting president then?

The former Prime Minister is moving around the country discrediting your amazing government yet you have done a lot for my beloved motherland, rebranding of National Youth Service is one example, which is directly under your office led by the ever charming Anne Waiguru your cabinet secretary for devolution and planning. It is indeed great that the NYS has been tasked to clean and open up Kibera slum, Lord knows there is nobody living in those slums who can do it.

Mr. President all those against your leadership do not want to see the change that your leadership brings to our country. The recently launched cashless matatu payment will definitely solve challenges of revenue collection as the country’s greatest tax evaders are of course bus conductors, it is well known. Who needs a better rail network? Who is their mother?

It is very unfortunate that some members of parliament and senators from CORD are vehemently against everything you are initiating. Mega projects such as the standard gauge railway, laptop project for standard one pupils, provision of free maternity services, security surveillance and the list is endless surely are we not gratified with what the president has done? They are naysayers who don’t know how to spend money.

Transform Kenya

The Jubilee manifesto was anchored on the promise of transforming Kenya which is not far from your implementation process, some of the promises include national cohesion which guaranteed affirmative action by ensuring under represented people and marginalized are properly represented, security through modernization of security forces especially through increased motorization which will enhance the ability to tackle crime in a more efficient and focused manner. To this end, you have led the way by purchasing a heavily armoured car that no bullet can penetrate. A safe president after all is the same thing as a safe nation, but naysayers don’t understand this.

Your Excellency, when you were the finance minister a friend of mine sought your audience to explain the “typing error” in your budget and he still waits even when you are the commander in chief. Perhaps he does not understand that you are teaching him the value of patience; I strongly believe he needs to move on.

Last week women of this country held a demonstration demanding respect from men after a lady was stripped at the Embassava stage, what I still do not understand is your ubiquitous silence on the matter yet it touched on social life and personal security which is enshrined in the Constitution. Women are givers of life and so the respect should be held at all times, same to any other person moreover, Her Excellency is fighting to have zero deaths during child birth how would this be achieved yet a woman has been raped, stripped, maimed and does not feel secure in her own country? Why give birth in a country that your child cannot be guaranteed of security? I am sorry your Excellency, I might have seemed a bit critical there. Of course you are not ignoring the women, you are simply waiting for the perfect PR moment to launch a drive for women’s dignity, spearheaded by the illustrious first lady. Ooops, did I say PR above, it was a typing error. Forgive me.

Kapedo, Lamu, Westgate, Garissa, Mandera, Pangani and other places have been hit hard with acts of terrorism and lawlessness and you are quite courageous to go to such places after these incidences with a bullet proof vest. The only language some of this people hear is talking tough just as you did in Kapedo and Westgate from State House, trust me on this. Mr. President it is deeply disconcerting that individuals such as Boniface Mwangi and Betty Waitherero and their ilk continue to be thorns in your lean blameless government, in fact they speak your tongue and the least they could do is support and defend your government instead of running on the streets. Do you think they need some “chicken” to have them speak your tongue? In my mother tongue when your father is mad you don’t run away from him but cover him up, they have done the opposite. They have a sufferer-complex that makes them want to complain and whine all the time. I suggest you do not listen to them ever, after all, who are their mothers? Yours is Mama Ngina, the first first lady. You are the son of Jomo Kenyatta the founding father of our country. Do not be cowed by individuals who do not know how a government runs and forgive your Excellency as they do not know what they are doing more so they should know people.